Don’t you hate to wait for an answer?
You thought that first date went really well, but it’s been a few days and no follow-up call for a second date? The agony!
Or you thought you nailed that interview for your dream job, and are anxiously waiting by the phone for a job offer? You’re thinking, “Come on already! I’d be perfect for that position! I NEED this!”
Prayer can be a lot like that. We believe in God. We believe in God’s power to do anything & in God’s faithfulness to do anything. We have faith. We pray hard. We pray regularly.
But there’s nothing on the other end. Static. White noise. Silence. Deafening silence.
What we might have a tendency to do in those situations is question ourselves. What is wrong with me? Do I really have faith? Have I sinned so bad that God has given up on me?
We may question God. Are there things God can’t do? Are there things God won’t do? Is this problem in my life too small and a waste of God’s time? Can God really hear me when I pray? Does God even care about me?
Recently, I did a teaching about prayer. If you want to listen to it, click here: https://vimeo.com/151475577. Near the end of the teaching, I added the issue of unanswered prayer as a possible objection to prayer, which include many of the questions listed above. What I want to do here is try to explain as best I can (and as best as I believe the Bible can) why some prayers go unanswered. WARNING: THIS IS NOT NECESSARILY AN EXHAUSTIVE LIST. You may think of a dozen other possible reasons for unanswered prayer. WARNING #2: YOU MAY NOT LIKE THIS LIST, MY REASONING, OR AGREE WITH ME. That’s ok.
So, are you ready? Here we go…
1. You may not have actually prayed about it.
James 4:2 says, “You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it.”
Sometimes we try to take matters into our own hands. Sometimes we try to work things out on our own. Sometimes we try to manufacture a miracle. Sometimes without realizing it or intending to, we leave God completely out of the process. Maybe you THOUGHT you really prayed about it or you MEANT to pray about it, but really you were just wishing out loud to yourself. It may seem foolish, and you may not like that I said it, but James said it first.
Don’t just wish. Don’t just hope. Pray.
2. You may not have the best intentions.
James goes on to say in James 4:3 something even more possibly offensive: “And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure.“
Sometimes we pray for some pretty stupid things. Or useless things. Or selfish things. Do you honestly think praying for God to “give it to someone” who hurt you is an honorable prayer? It actually sounds like the EXACT OPPOSITE of what Jesus prayed about his enemies. And they literally killed him.
Or, we’ll pray for a financial miracle, but God knows we’ll blow it. Or God may be thinking, “You’re in the position you’re in because you didn’t pray about that purchase and now you’re in a bind.” Do you ever think God sometimes looks down at us and just shakes His head? I’m sure He does. At me.
The “why” behind the “what” you’re praying for matters. And it may be a reason that prayer has gone unanswered.
3. No answer does not necessarily mean “No”.
I say this because many times we give up on a prayer after long enough. And that may well be because we assume silence is God’s “No”. But, if you have kids, you of all people should know that’s not true. Most of the time, my kids will ask me for something while I’m in the middle of doing something else – usually for them! I’m getting the kids a snack and immediately I hear: “Dad, can you get me a drink?” I’m like, “Come on!” Or sometimes, they ask for something big or expensive & I’ll need to consult with my wife first. So, I say something like, “We’ll see.”
My son (who at the time of writing this) is seven years old. Some of his friends and others who are a few years older than he is, have cell phones. So, naturally, he will from time to time ask if he could have a cell phone. Just the other day he did this, and my response was, “What do you need a phone for?” He replied, “To call people.” I answered, “Who do you need to call?” His answer, “Like you or Mom.” I said, “Either Mom or me are usually with you all the time, so you don’t need to call us.” My answer to the cell phone is sort of a “No”, but in the grand scheme of time, he will get a phone at some point in his life, so really my answer is, “Wait” or “Not yet”.
It’s my guess that many times silence from God can be interpreted as “Wait” or “Not yet”. And we HATE waiting. We want instant gratification. Or at least some kind of closure. But, really it’s during the waiting that we can really grow the most and our faith can be increased. We learn even more how frail we are, how little we know, and how powerless we really are. It’s during the silence that we can – if we really try – to lean on God more in the midst of our weakness.
4. Human Will is involved.
We can ask God for something, and then because of our imperfect humanness, get in the way of the answer. We can unknowingly sabotage our own prayers. We can resist or disobey God which can keep God from answering.
The will of others can also play a part in unanswered prayer. Maybe you’ve prayed for a broken relationship to be mended. God would love nothing more than to see that happen. But, God will not override anyone’s will for any reason. He can, will, and does do certain things to try and soften someone’s heart, open someone’s eyes, or change someone’s mind, but He will not make anyone do, think, or say anything they are not will to do, think, or say.
A good question to ask ourselves about this issue overall is this: “Is our faith in an answered prayer or in the prayer answerer?” If God never answered your prayer (or any prayer), would you still put your faith in Him? Is what God has already done for you enough? And, would you really be ok with whatever answer God gave you? We say we just want an answer – any answer. But, honestly, would we be ok with that or would we only be content with the answer we hope we get? The answer to questions like this can reveal quite a bit. Let’s do our best to pray like Jesus prayed: “Not my will, but your will be done.”
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Again, this is NOT a exhaustive list, but hopefully it’s a good starting point, a good conversation starter to help you on your faith journey. This is an issue we all have to deal with, so being able to think clearly and honestly is always helpful. I hope this has been helpful for you. Until next time, keep praying!